What The Hell Is Wrong With WRX STi Owners?

[Seattle09GT]

I'm not a fan of street racing. I've posted that here before. There was my joke post of my awesome kill on an on ramp of a Hyundai Accent - while I was driving my minivan - that never broke the posted speed limit.

But I also like to think of myself as Teddy Roosevelt behind the wheel, speak softly, but carry a big stick.

WTF is wrong with WRX STi owners? Seriously. What happens to a man's brain when they get behind the wheel of a WRX STi regardless of age.

This is my kill story.

So I'm driving to work. Nice sunny morning. I don't normally commute with the G8 but it was so nice and I now enjoy a reverse commute that is all highway so after getting a much needed car wash (I found a truly touchless car wash near by that I can use in a pinch, and it needed it bad) I proceed to a ramp further up than where I normally get on the highway.

As I start down the long on ramp the highway is wide open. There is an 18 wheeler in the right lane, and I can see as I head down the ramp a black, with black tinted windows, WRX STi. My plan is to accelerate normally pull between the huge gap between the two and merge at normal speed into the middle lane and drive to work.

So as I start speeding up down the ramp the WRX STi, where I had a 3/10 or 4/10 of a mile gap clearly is speeding up. So I give it more gas. He keeps speeding up.

By the bottom of the ramp I'm pushing 90 MPH now and I'll clearly rear end the 18 wheeler - the added speed is putting me not where I want to be, and he has actively sped up to prevent me from even merging on the highway - so I hit the brakes - and the truck goes by, the WRX STi goes by and I merge in behind him and take the middle lane. You think the story ends here? Oh no - we're just beginning.

So the dude in the WRX STi now slows down to get along side of me. So now there is no question in my mind, he actively, dangerously, cut me off on purpose.

He rolls the window down. I swear to God, no exaggeration, it is a balding overweight dude in his 50's. WTF?!?! What the fuck! What are you 17?!? I was expecting some wannabe gangsta with the baseball cap turned around, a white wife beater, and a cigarette hanging out of their mouth. Dude - you're ready to retire and you're doing this kind of ass hattery? Then he looks at me with a WTF look and shrugs his shoulders at me as if to say, "why did you merge on so close to my rear end like that?"

Wait - you sped up on purpose, cut me off, and now I GET THE WTF LOOK?!?!

Oh buddy. Suck on this.

There is no traffic in front of us, sans the 18 wheeler in the right lane that Mister Personality has dumbly put himself behind.

I plant the skinny pedal to the floor.

Naturally as with all WRX STi drivers his penis shrunk 50% when this happened inflicting great pain to his groin area. This pain can only be resolved by getting back in front of me.

He can't keep up. Oh I'm not walking him - this isn't one of those bullshit stories. But he can't keep up with me adding maybe 1 or 2 feet every second, that's it.

We get back up to about 90 and he loses his bravery. OK, phew, that was easy and a quick little blast. I keep the speed to put about 1/2 or 3/4 of a mile on him and then slow back down to my drive to work cruise speed of 66ish.

Guess who is back. Right on my bumper - drafting me like a feckin' NASCAR race. He goes to pass me on the right and I'm done. I'm cooked. I'm reached. I kind of sort of feign not paying attention and maybe I drift right over the line a bit blocking the lane. He clicks his headlights. Ya, that's productive.

Alright asshole you want to dance? You want to dance? Say hello to 394 of my little friends. Skinny pedal to floor and this time it is just ON.

Same routine again - but I guess Mister Small Penis didn't get the message the first time. His already shruken penis shrinks another 50% causing even greater pain. I'm now in a place I rarely get and my inner-Gandolph comes out...

YOU...SHALL...NOT...PASS!!!


It's just like before he can't keep up, he can't pass, but I'm not shaking him either. We come to a pocket of traffic in the left and middle lane - the right lane is open. I go right - this time using my HPD training and former racing skills. I feel bad inside, my brain is screaming how wrong this is and not to do this on the road. Some dude is a Prius sipping coffee and yacking on their cell phone could go into that right lane without even looking or paying attention and well...oh look...I guess he doesn't want to dance after all - all bravery gone at 130 MPH apparently.

Apparently it got too much for him. With his penis now sucked inside of his body - the WRX STi was defeated by a --- well he probably has no clue what it was as most people no longer identify my car as a G8 but as a pick your lion logoed car of choice (Peugeot, Jaguar, and every now and then a person knows Holden).

I don't know what the hell is wrong with WRX STi owners - I though Scion owners as a group where douches - but the WRX community is trying hard to take that title.

Anyway - it was a God damn right good kill.

[Posidon42]

Lol good read. Love the Gandalf reference

[STL_G8GT]

They drive a race inspired car, so naturally they are all race car drivers...

Good kill.

[MoonPie]

I don't know if it's all of them but I'm on the highway cruising in the left lane pacing traffic when I pass a white STi. He immediately zips by not letting off the gas. So I drop the hammer, reel him in and take it to 11 putting lengths on him. I slow down to exactly the speed limit and he doesn't even try to close the gap. He was a kid though.

[Zodiac]

Great read. Gandalf and the shrunken penis had me dying.

[Crazy Paul]

My theory is there must be some WRX accessory that suction cups onto the drivers door lining & the 1" diameter hole in this rubber device must transmit a jerking motion whenever the car exceeds the speed limit. Maybe the small rubber fist can also be tuned to pulsate in time with the rumble from a 5" fart cannon attached to the rear of every WRX.

[GRRR8GT]

a 5" fart cannon attached to the rear of every WRX.

You kill me Paul. But honestly what is with this? Those things have pistons the size of my thumbs and they have tailpipes bigger than my F350 Powerstroke. Every one of them....

[pir4te]

Basically it boils down to effort, WRX STi has to do a lot more to achieve same result. Acceleration of both with similar bolt-ons, fuel and tune, is much more relaxed, less obviously racey in a G8 / SS:



0-62mph 4.8sec

[pir4te]

Versus the WRX boy racer hair-on-fire experience:

[tchr49]

Versus the WRX boy racer hair-on-fire experience:

Could you maybe point the camera down at the door and catch a shot of that thingy CP was talking about??